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 By Mercy Makuwatsine
Getting married is one thing almost everyone cherishes. Only a few feel they shouldn’t get married. Usually most people start dating even at school all in the hope of getting married one day. Others even go to church not because they want to pray but because they want to find someone who is trustworthy and right for a marriage.
A marriage usually is blessed with some kids.
However, the issue begins when the two are married and someone starts saying "ndogarira vana vangu ini". How and where does this start?
This is what one writer said about her marriage: "I've been married for the past 7 years. All this time I have been trying to make this marriage work or at least that's what I think. Over the years I have realised that my husband may be a very good friend to me but not a husband. We got married when I got pregnant, now I realise that's no reason to get married, but at the time it seemed the best solution to our situation. Now I have 2 children, who love their father very much and I feel terrible to end this family that they think is so perfect. I feel trapped I don't want to hurt my kids or my husband's feelings. But on the other side I want to be happy too. I am not in love with my husband and I don't think I ever was. Now I'm in too deep in this marriage and don't know how to end it without hurting innocent people."
Is it because the two were not meant to be together or the children are the barrier to a happy marriage? Should those in love not have children? These are the questions I ask myself when I read articles of most women who are in the same predicament with the above writer.
Some however say lovers do not usually show their true colours when they are dating. But what are these true colours? Some husbands say their wives change and start ignoring them and start concentrating on their children more than the men. These are the different views of both men and women on marriage issues.
Well, ladies out there, I believe the truth is men are childish, they cherish all those small things which most women believe are minor... like kissing them when they get home, serving them food or even having the women starting the act of sex.
They really appreciate tiny little things and that is why they are often referred to as 'boys'.
However, men do really feel that women spend more time with children and neglect their needs, but how best can women balance the two? As a woman, I feel children do need their mothers more when they are still young. What men need to understand is that women by nature are mothers and the heart of a mother will move them to lavish their babies with all the love they have, although yes, men are sometimes side-lined.
Howver, I contend that men should not leave the baby-sitting task to the women alone. The man and his wife are partners in raising their children and the sooner they learn to balance these two demanding aspects of marriage, the happier they are.
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