sandyy.jpgBy Sandra Muyambo

The movie comes to an end when the hero, a big hunk defeats his rivals and grabs “The Trophy”, a slim, tall, gorgeous woman. And then these tired lines will follow… “And they lived happily ever after!”


We have gone through those stages. The days of innocence. When love and romance is all that matters and Mills and Boon novels are part of every teenager’s collection. But how much has been said of that love after the end of the romantic film? Is the “happily ever after” concept real? Is marriage really a bed of roses?

When people start a new relationship, especially the marriage institution, they are excited, they hope to get what they want from the relationship, but when time passes by, he may realise that they cannot get what they need to be happy and may start losing interest in her very fast.

‘I feel like an old shoe after 24 years of marriage…,’ this is how some women feel years later in their marriage. Life and most married men have been heard complaining of being bored with their wives and they start nursing a feeling of getting an extra spice from outside.

Boredom is a natural human response to the same stimuli when it’s encountered over and over again. Love can help to mask it, but in reality, you have to mix things up a little. If you bring new things into your own personality, your partner will perceive the change.

Men may lose interest in their wives and some of it has to do with the level of his personal happiness and his unmet important needs.


However, no matter how perfect a woman actually is, no woman will ever be able to satisfy all his needs, so lost interest can be referred as an impossible dream to achieve.

Some women have been blamed for taking marriage as if it is as easy as GOING FISHING, as soon as they get the “big fish” they think they have done enough and do not have to do anything any longer, yet they are supposed to keep the fire burning by spicing things up.

The problem with some men and women is that they hold very high unachievable standards for their marriage. If you have a good healthy faith in a good marriage, then having a happy marriage forever would be easy. If you have an unrealistic standard of what marriage is then it would be hard for anyone to be happy.

Sometimes men are not able to communicate their important needs in a relationship and expect the relationship to be perfect on its own. If a man has unmet needs and feels uncomfortable to communicate them to his wife, then of course he will start to lose interest really soon and fast.

In some cases, men who are afraid of commitment, afraid of intimacy and men who are emotionally unavailable will have a really hard time to sustain interest level in the marriage. Men who are addicted to single life would have much harder time to be committed and would lose interest rather quickly.

When a man is losing interest in you, don’t blame yourself, move on and accept that it is not your fault. Even the most beautiful, the most sweet women aren’t always able to keep men interested. If a man is losing interest in you just assume that it wasn’t meant to be and might also mean you will be better off with somebody else. Thus it can be good in the long run. You wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you for you anyway.

At times, men loosing interest in their wives could often be the result of men no longer being attracted to their aging and obese spouses. That is, men are biologically programmed to feel attracted to females whose youth and physical beauty imply fertility, because men are biologically programmed to spread and perpetuate their genes. They don’t want to feel that way, but they do because that’s how nature made them, and one does not simply flip a switch in one’s mind and “get over” this programming.


This is enormously complicated. It’s very easy for men to understand that young women are more attractive than older ones, but the fact that it doesn’t necessarily cut the other way is most infuriating to us women.

Women have great difficulty accepting the reality that their desirability diminishes with time. Plastic surgery, rather than solving their problem by providing eternal youth, usually only makes them look odd, exacerbating the situation. It would be funny if it were not so sad.

Men who truly love their wives may also lose some sexual drive for physical reasons of their own, as well as the reality that the fresh-faced beauties they married are less appealing than in the wedding photos. Looking at an aging spouse has got to be a reminder of one’s own mortality. The reaction to a bright-eyed and flabless princess is a lift whether you are looking for it or not.

Which is to say, you can’t blame the man for his reaction and you can’t blame the woman for her reaction to it! One can only hope that there is enough love there that, though desire may lessen, in need not disappear altogether just because there is less physical beauty. There should, under most circumstances, be enough in the mutual history to override the temporary excitement of a youthful encounter.

One reason which is believed to be a major put off in marriage and one of the main reasons why men may loose interest in their wives is the bedroom matter. Some men may feel that their sex life has deteriorated because when they got married perhaps their wives were a wildfire in the sack, but maybe with time the flame is not so hot anymore. This may ultimately lead the dissolution of the marriage. It’s important to remember that this is not the women’s fault, but is something both the man and woman have to work on.

In some instances, men do not find women that are argumentative to be attractive. While some men prefer assertive women, others think a good woman, wife material, should be humble and submissive. An argumentative wife puts off her husband and sends him to more soft and purring ‘small houses’ who will act as servants to win his love.

So yes, men do lose interest in their wives. It is however up to the husband and wife to work at their relationship and marriage to keep the fire burning and retain the youthfulness they both fell in love with in the first place.

While men can sometimes ‘act like dogs’ and eye everything in a dress, the wife should understand that firstly, it is her duty to keep herself attractive and appealing to her man, and where she would have done her best, she should not blame herself for the man’s lost interest.

Secondly, the man should accept that not all women in the world were meant for him.




The opinions expressed in this article are the author’s and do not necessarily represent those of the Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation.